Picture by L. Kolp
Scrambling to keep up with the girls
Rambling through the mall like squirrels
Brilliant colors catch my eyes– flash mob?
Aberrant inattention, quite a job
Mummies. Two of them appear as fools
Dummies are a few with mouths taped—- cruel!
Shuffle ‘round the stores, these neon freaks
Muffled with bound legs trying to speak
Dr. Pepper placed below one’s chin
Beggar-like he tries to drink it in
Without success yet causing laughter–
Boy Scouts would frown on such disaster!
Aghast yet unable to look past
Typecast teens like penguins walking fast
Keep Austin Weird a motto they fulfill
Black sheep like these in Austin fill the bill
©laurie kolp
Prompt inspiration: dVerse Poets FormForAll with Gay Cannon- Framed Couplets
This really happened to me last weekend while I was a chaperon on a school-sponsored event for my 7th grader. It was about 4 or 5 teenagers, orange hair and all. I really wanted to snap a picture, but decided not to. Perhaps if the hair had been maroon I might have (Gig ‘Em Aggies).
enjoyed this little picture you paint with your words
LOVE! And you got the rhyme at the beginning too…still grappling with that part of the challenge…attempt #two in process!
Awesome play, Laurie!
haha….the duct tape verse….too funny…i bet it hurt like the dickens coming off you know….i am sure you have seen the duct tape prom photos right?
Yes, I saw that when looking online. We saw prom-goers the next night at Cheesecake Factory. One of the girl’s dresses may have well been duct tape. And, yes, I bet it hurt coming off.
I love it…keep Autin weird. Fun poem with perfect form.
Okay if I knew you were in Austin, I forgot it. My daughter lives in Seguin. Oh well, small world. If you come to Port A, we’ll have to meet up! I’ll take you out for dinner or drinks.
I think this was successful. It feels so spontaneous and does have that musical feel. There are a couple of lapses in meter but the rhymes are terrific. The ends are all perfect and the beginnings too except the syllables on Stanza three which aren’t quite there but I understand why.
I’ll repeat what I wrote somewhere else. ONLY THE FIRST SYLLABLE of the first word has to rhyme, the whole word doesn’t – it’s just that initial sound that rhymes as you already have end rhymes. It’s a sort of alliteration in that repeat.
Notwithstanding that you made those beginning & end rhymes happen and boy does it make this piece sparkle. I thought I was there (and I’ve been in a few Austin malls) and it was happening in front of me. What is better than that! Awesome job, Laurie!
Thanks, Gay. I did revise a bit since you’ve seen this. I wasn’t happy with so many -ing first words. I will have to try this form again… this was my first time.
Fun, fun, fun. I looked at that prompt and skulked away. Rhymes on one end are hard enough. But you made them giggle
Such an entertaining piece! Thank you for sharing! You did a really great job with the form, yet kept laughter and chuckles embedded throughout.
Fun write, Laurie
Very fun piece Laurie. Love the direction you took the prompt to. Very nice. Thanks
What a fun, delightful poem with such entertaining description. I almost feel like I was there. Wonderful use of that form!
Wish I could’ve been there to see it! Great job tackling this prompt!
This was a lot of fun and took me back to youth group horseplay with duct tape during lock-ins
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Oh, well I missing that fad. gladly. I would love to have seen what you wrote about. Lol, but scary a little. good job.
http://leah-jamielynn.typepad.com/blog/2012/04/regardless-i-believe-in-love.html
Ha! Very clever! Sounds like an interesting trip! K.
This one is so much fun, Laurie. Perfect poem for me to end on tonight. Thank you!
Keep Austin weird…ha ha love that. Ive been to Dallas quite a few times but never Austin- although i’d very much like to!- this paints such an odd picture of people- but i can totally imagine it- because people are odd!…nice laurie!
Laurie, if it wasn’t Austin (Lex lived there for years), it would be Madison. Truly funny stuff, especially the kid with the soda taped to his chin. Hope they cleaned up their mess!
I have used duct tape often at protests, from anti-war to pro-choice to the Governor Walker debacle here in WI. Amazingly versatile stuff… until you have to remove it, OUCH! Great write, as always! Amy
http://sharplittlepencil.com/2012/04/20/free-spirit-speaks-couplets-for-dverse/
Your opening sure made me smile.
“Scrambling to keep up with the girls
Rambling through the mall like squirrels”
Sometimes in malls, it would seem that our planet is no longer inhabited by actual humans, you know? Wonderful evocation of our 21st Century American devotion both to materialism and to “standing out from the crowd” actions which steal our personalities.
Nice day at the mall and you captured a difficult form pretty well. I had no idea how hard it was until my first attempt was corrected and I still can’t get it quite right…
Keep Austin Weird wqorks for me–a beautiful and wonderful town which I haven’t been to in far too long. I enjoyed this picture of Mall insanity–wish you’d snapped the pic–isn’t the whole point of that stuff to get on you tube? A poem would be minor.
This is so fun!
mummies and neon freaks, a cool flash mob:)
This was real? What a shock to the system that must have been! And youbhad great success setting this in the framed couplets style, complete with th the initial rhyme. Good job!