Dear lady-who-sat-next-to-me-
at-the-how-to-keep-your-kid-safe-
from-bullies-seminar-but-left-early-
because-you’d-miss-Pilates,
Your child is bugging mine with his
squeezes of the cheeks in jest,
accusatory lies, ugly words,
a bothersome cock-
roach, don’t you know I want to
shake some sense into you?
The other day your child marred mine
with a binder, in the hall after
final bell, a scratch on the arm
twelve inches long, all for nothing?
Do you hear me, lady?
Are you going to just lock him
in the basement with a computer
and some guns while you dine
with friends at happy hour?
Or are you going to retake the
how to keep your kid safe
from bullies seminar,
because your absence was
and is noticed.
*
Dear friends- What would you do?
Poetic inspiration~ dVersePoets: OpenLinkNight
So often the ones who most need the information are the last to recognize it or blind to the behavior of their children or more into their own lives or jst think the school will handle it!
ugh…that’s tough…difficult…think i would invite her for a cup of coffee and try to talk to her….probably she’s not at all aware of what her kid does…
I don’t see the coffee thing happening with her. Hopefully it will settle down, but I’m keeping a very close eye on things.
ooooh, Laurie. this makes me mad! and moves me… how you’ve written it, so telling. cock-roach, ack. it makes my stomach turn.
Some moms are so self absorbed they only care for themselves…sad but true..it’s always hard to accept because I can’t see anything that could be more important than our children.
WOW! Powerful, timely and (as the dad of a long-ago bullied daughter) too true.
Very special piece, Laurie! ~ j
ugh…its the ones that need i tthe most that skip out…that think its not important…sounds like she as well as her kid need a bit of a wake up call….pilates….yeah….smiles.
So true.
Maybe, if she ignores the truth, it will go away.
hahaha
a meeting is in order one with you, your child, her and hers and the principle. Make sure you are documenting EVERYTHING!! If you have to go to the superintendent of schools. Our g-son was being bullied and we had to climb the chain of command but the results were outstanding. the bully was enrolled in anger management classes and had private counseling.
Good luck let us know how it goes.
Ugh, this is a tough one… It is definitely worth bring to her attention…whether or not you will get result is the question. Let’s hope that something can be done about the situation, if not through her, then through the school.
I feel this to my bones! Outstanding write, Laurie.
is it any wonder at all that this is the outcome of absentee parenting?
Speak out! Speak loud! It’s high time that violence be dealt with at its inception.
I would consider talking to her first, and then the school if her child continues to bully my child. Good one Laurie ~
Ouch. I would most definitely talk to her.
I think this is sometimes true, though other times that mother of a bully is at her wits end with a child out of control, even out of her control. She might need help, too, a little grace. Not saying that’s the case with pilates-Mom. She just needs a good talking to. Peace, Linda
I know exactly the parents you are talking about!! Someone else stated that the ones who need it the most are the ones who rarely see that they do, I whole-heartedly agree!! Great read!! Especially Loved:
“Do you hear me, lady?
Are you going to just lock him
in the basement with a computer
and some guns while you dine
with friends at happy hour?”
Slash her tires in the parking lot?
We’ve dealt with some bullying behavior, the parents can be more difficult to deal with than the kids. But, I agree as many have said…gotta meet it head on. And we know how good you are with words.
Thanks, but I’m the nonconfrontational type… so I usually screw up when I try to speak.
A powerful write, Laurie…parents need to take bullying seriously for there to be changes…so frustrating and very damaging to the child. Well written.
Give this to her the next time you see her!
Laurie–I know exactly what you mean. Our church hosted a ‘Love and Logic’ class at a Jr. High across the street and as a teacher and a member of the church, well I had interesting conversations with some table mates, many of whom were parents whose kids I knew from daily run ins on the playground. I was glad they were there but….part of me still wanted to shake them when I heard them gush or complain. “No wonder Johnny is that way” and “do you even SEE your child?” went through my head. It’s a tough place to be. We have to hang in there and still be the light in this dark world.
yes, powerful – amazing how blind some people can be… frustrating too, because even if her child’s bullying ways are pointed out to her, she may not see
I love how you address here and the 4th stanza is positively chilling.
This is a great poem…I don’t know how you go about this one, this always seems to be the way… some parents just don’t want to know. This poem illustrates why it is bullying continues in the schools…I hope you can find a solution.
Wow! How true this is. I worked as a volunteer with your for years. I can’t tell you how many times I got phone calls from mothers who would rather have ladies night out than deal with the issues of their children.
Bullying is such a complex issue – this is so true – I wonder if the child bullies his parents too…. fabulous writing
Good question.
Speaking as someone who was bullied through almost all my school years, I really don’t know how much the parents of the bully can help unfortunately. When I think of the kids who bullied me, I can’t imagine anything their parents could have done or said to them making any difference when they were tormenting me well out of sight of both parents and teachers. It’s a sad and difficult situation that’s different for every child. I really wish I had an answer for it so others wouldn’t have to go through what I did.
I know what you mean… and might it make things worse for my son if I told the boy’s mother? It’s such a change from the way he was last year (the boy). Surprised me, really.
I guess it would depend on how the boy’s mother reacted. If you talk to her about it, maybe the two of you could figure out the best way to confront the boy without making him angry or resentful towards your son.
bullying seems to me to be the primary voice of media and politics, win lose games are a powerful part of economics, society. perhaps there could be a course about win win and collaboration? an introduction to different potentialities and roles to play?
Talking is the best first step and then the principal since there’s obviously awareness there. Good luck.
Timely and apropo, Laurie. Sometimes you wonder at the things that parents/authority-figures either don’t see or choose to ignore. Nicely put.
of course spend time with child in hopes it make better person and have better relationship with them. like the awareness
Might it be that something has changed in this boys life or home – kids act out when in pain or afraid – it might be best to go to the principal and ask for a meeting. So hard to see your child be confronted with violence even on this scale – I feel for you and your family. K
…to ignore it would be a mistake…one could post a poem in the school or town paper….one could spread the word and find out if it’s happening to others…the source may be disguised as something else…in any case, document these occurrences…..potentially it could escalate…hard to know when to intervene if there are problems at home..glad you got it off your chest onto paper…
A discipline problem should be resolved by strength of authority. The person to be talked to is the boy. This must be done directly to him by the school discipline teacher. Then he knows he’s being watched. Talking to the mother may not convey seriousness of one’s feelings. It might even create animosity lingering in the background. This is a universal problem Laurie! Nice for bringing it up!
Hank
Oh my goodness! Flashbacks!! My kids are past this age, just moved one out (sigh) But when they were in school this was a constant problem. Good kids always seem to get picked on and it’s so frustrating. The school says they don’t want bullying, zero tolerance, bla, bla, bla. But I’ve yet to see one that will really do anything about it. Hang in there. Unfortunately, the best way to deal with it (I really, really hate to say this) is for your son to fight back (but don’t let anyone see), my son got in trouble for finally smacking the kid that bullied him (bully in trouble? no) but that stopped it.
Thank you for the nice note on my blog, you are so sweet <3
My son is so kindhearted that I just don’t think he could do it… But we’ve told him to! He’s a black belt so he could really set those meanies straight.
Heart wrenching! A good message for parents to pay attention, and a nice write!
a very timely thought…. something to be shared widely….
Play date (deck stacked in your favor). She needs to see her kid in action and maybe how typical parents…. err parent?
Beautifully written. Horrible story. Can the school intervene? Hope you find the mend.
Hi darling- It would matter of the age of the children but either way the parent is most like,y going to respond negatively. I am a believer in getting the school involved with bullying in my experience. good luck
Ugh. What a pain. I guess you could try talking to her again but some parents just don’t care, as long it’s not their own kid and you might get a cold response. And there’s the old routine of stand-up-to-the-bully advice too, but depends on the situation, on what this bully is like. Bullies are often a bit broken somewhere, I think, it’s why they are mean and can’t treat other people properly.
Unfortunately, there are too many parents who’s kids can do no wrong. So even taking the course again would be a failure for this blind parent. This is a very personal subject for me. I love this piece. Thank you for sharing.
Sad and painful write. I’ve been there too. Unfortuantely, we don’t have the puzzle pieces we need to understand the bully. But, I documented a few events and eventually, requested a meeting with parents, teacher and principal and the kids knew about it. Care and concern for the bully was key as it helped reduce defensiveness. It was an info share led by the teacher with setting guidelines for the “next time.” Parents and teacher signed and kids had to sign it too. That way, the bully knew he would be held accountable. It never turned into a shouting match… thank God. Hoping for resolution for you.
What a dreadful situation to have to deal with, Laurie. It is a scary world, isn’t it? Powerful write.
Pamela
Wonderful poem out of a dreadful situation. Your son is likely to deal with it, esp as you’ve told him to. Keep your watchful eye, then teacher / principal if necessary. Not mother, too much chance of misunderstanding and lasting resentment built. IMHO. Thinking of you, Laurie.
Poetry can and should address the nuts-and-bolts issues of everyday life. As Sharon Olds says, ‘Poetry should be useful’. This one is ‘useful’ in the best sense, expressing as it does real concerns within the forms and structures of verse.
Sadly the people who need it the most just don’t see it. I’d go to the principal. A powerful piece!
I wish for an easy solution, but if the other parent cannot be bothered enough to care you have a real issue on your hands. Great writing, sometimes anger is a good place from which to write.
Convicting poem. I have no advice, but only hope for a quiet resolution.
Very well written. Ugh bullies!
What an awful situation to be in. I hope that Mom realizes that her child needs guidance. And I hope your son learns something valuable from this – self defense, how he doesn’t want to be, problem solving, etc. I wish you the best. I know this is a serious problem.
Send her the poem, Laurie. Send her the poem!
“a bothersome cock-
roach,” Ha! Awesome line break.
That last stanza is killer.
so true and so beautifully said..
i do know a couple of parents to whom i want to say this..and your poem might be the inspiration for me to do it..
great piece Laurie. there’s no point in bullying. It’s been there since time, glad people are making a concerted effort in cutting it back. My personal take is that it stems from the parents. The pilates line is so telling to me here. I also believe that if religion wasn’t stripped from school early on, perhaps things could be a bit different as well, but maybe that’s just me. Great write. Thanks
I agree with you, Fred… and thanks.
Got to agree, too, Fred.
Laurie, Have you thought about mailing this to her anonymously? Very strong lines in this…especially about the pilates and locking him in the basement with computers and guns. A bit chilling.
This is so powerful and, judging from all of the comments, a topic we all need to talk about and re-examine. I personally wish every school in North America would hold a Kindness and anti-bullying workshop.
My niece and I are very close. She is a unique girl, not blonde with blue eyes and designer jeans. Rather her hair is black and brilliant blue and she loves combat boots. I applaud that she is unique but several of those non-unique girls on her bowling team shun her because her tastes are different. I am unable to say anything to them so I went and had a brilliant blue hair extension in my hair as a show of solidarity. She was tickled. She knows that I support her. Bullying is rampant, not only among children but also adults online. I have walked away from more people that I thought cared for me than I would have ever imagined for this reason. Excellent poem.
Aww… you are such a good aunt…