Multi-sensory:
Tactile, the sand
Trickling toes
To skin, exfoliate;
A gritty scrape of teeth
With waves melodious,
Rhythmic audio
A cleansing slate
Helping hand,
Omniscient stimulus
The briny air
A fresh fish plate
Or tuna, canned–
Sometimes deathblow
This smelly lair
Of sea, soul food
Heaven’s land
A faithful show
My base plate
I love its lifting mood
*
Prompt Inspiration- dVersePoets: Form For All (David James Karousel form) w/ Gay
i did run my tongue along my teeth as that grit made me feel it a bit…ha…i love the beach…ah i could just sit and listen and smell…and taste the salty air…some nice fresh catch…mm…..
I can feel the sand and the waves at the beach. Laurie. I want to be there. Nicely crafted Karousel.
nice..hmmmm…love me some time on the beach and a fresh fish plate…wonderful..
You astutely follow form, Laurie, while sharing your message succinctly and with tangible imagery. Nicely done.
Oh, Laurie, this is so well done. Like the skinny lines in the form.
Thanks… whenever I’m not sure about a form I do that…
It worked so well.
Love the flow and pattern Laurie, specially the last stanza ~
What a deft poem and what a clever capture of the texture, sounds, and smells of the beach. Makes me a little sad to be leaving it; but time and tide changes us all. Great use of the form!
It took me quite a while to work out which form this is. I always take it as a sign of a good poem when the form disappears behind the subject. This is brilliant. I have a hankering to go to the beach tomorrow – except that it’ll be really cold.
What a great idea to capture the form in short, rhythmic beats! The story sounds like a delicious experience.
So cleverly done… I loved it.
great topic for this time of year… I liked the air
I love the conjuring of the third stanza. I wrinkled my nose, as if I smelled something…
Ah yes, the faithful sea…very sweet and concise;;;;
Stunning in several ways: the use of the short line seems particularly apt. I especially enjoyed:-
The briny air
A fresh fish plate
Or tuna, canned–
Sometimes deathblow
This smelly lair
Love the sensory details. Makes me want to run away to the beach!
Something about that beach air, that ocean sonata, those negative ions. My wife & I are headed to the WA beach over the 3 day weekend. Your poem prepped me magnificently; excellent blend for the form too.
“A gritty scrape of teeth” makes me think of when I’ve got sand in my mouth, hard to get out! Yuck. I love the sea air, but not fish hehe. I like your poem.
Oh, the sea comes on full force here!
I could definitely feel, hear, smell, and taste the beach in this little number. well done.
i like how it just starts with all the descriptives and then it’s really about how it makes you feel.
quantum kisses
…soul food…i like that… an ode to something you longed to be with…smiles…