Under starry sky we walked
the sandy beach hand in hand
with a wanting not unique
of teenage love,
a graduating dream;
you of you and me of you
in candlelight, a tainted view.
I refused to see
the faces of your ego
staring back at me
hiding deep inside, the truth;
you just wanting naked fun
and me a diamond ring.
An illusory hope I held
to win affection whole,
an imaginary wish, a root,
birthed in childhood holes.
Yet at the beach you loved me
and that night so did the wine,
a greed intoxicating
growing stronger
arms entwined.
We needed more than gritty kisses
rhythmic waves crashing at our feet;
you my body, me your heart
clashing motives from the start.
And then we saw the cabin
dark and desolate;
up the steps we scurried
on the porch we hurried,
my eyes fixed to the door
as you came crashing to the shore,
a high you liked, the thrill
on someone else’s property,
an old abandoned cabin where
at the beach you set me free.
*
Prompt inspirations:
dVersePoets~Poetics: Leonard Cohen and Place w/ Mary
Sunday Whirl 96- under, naked, scurries, birth, imaginary, hiding, door, faces, root, candlelight, lack, held
Laurie, I loved the way you worked with PLACE and FEELINGS in your poem. You worked so well with the beach and the cabin! So many times, it seems, girl and boy teenagers are looking for different things; and your poem expresses this well:
“you my body, me your heart
clashing motives from the start”
Loved the ending of the poem!
dang…crashing the empty cottage…ha…it def adds a level of energy wondering if they might come home at any time…smiles…and i like that you explored the different motive as well…and the ocean imagery of him crashing into your own shore…nicely done laurie…smiles.
smiles.. def. adds some extra excitement to the already exciting… glad they didn’t come back.. smiles
What a warm yet exciting feeling this creates. Beautifully done.
I like the loving by the beach, with wine & the starry sky ~
Young love, teenage hormones, initiations to eros, the sea, the pounding of flesh waves, the undulation of sea breezes tracing love petrographs over your slim curves; all here, all lovely, with a tinge of sadness as innocence flew out to the horizon on a gull’s back.
Clashing motives from the start.. Love that
nicely done Laurie
The clash of motives, the crash of waves, the thrill of will they/won’t they – so much to savour in this, Laurie
What a potent combination of feelings and a culmination of hormones and young love. SO well done.
I love the mix of feelings and memories. a thrill a place and a change of life. I locve it.
That was amazing. Love poetry is difficult, but this seemed so real…and now you will tell me, you made it up. “Clash of motives” good choice. Oh, to be young…or not so young?
Vivid scene here with all the ambivalence too. k.
Oh wow, Laurie! Beautifully done. But sad too.
Gosh that first love, wonderful and heartbreaking all that same time. Beautifully written,
I remember having those expectations of boyfriends when I was a teenager…getting so caught up in my emotions…my poor intellect was dragging far behind. Wonderful story telling, Laurie.
Beautifully done Laurie.
The clashing motives rings true for all of us, I think – although possibly not for young women of today?
My handsome one and I came from different side of the tracks – he in awe of capturing a rich bird (he thought) and I in awe of his intellect and astonishing good looks.
He was the only one I ‘gave myself’ to, dreaming of that diamond ring – but we never got engaged – just got married instead.
Anna
]
I love the tantalizing atmosphere, Laurie. so wonderfully done!
I remember these emotions, and I followed you right to the door, Laurie.
passion and beaches fit together, the cabin sounds a lovely sanctuary
Tethered boats and empty shelters always make me sad in way. It is like the feeling of not being ‘fulfilled’ -not living to potential in away. Your cottage on the beach was crying out for visitor I think and you answered its call
beautifully painted Laurie. You added so much more to the illustration of place, the scene truly becomes three dimensional. Great write. Thanks
I refused to see
the faces of your ego
staring back at me;
Brilliant!
I shake my head in wonder as I read your words, and think: First loves can be tumultuous—and freeing as well.
Whirling with Gary Soto
I like the idea of setting people free on the beach… or anywhere else for that matter…
“you of you and me of you”
Outstanding!
you of you and me of you..i can see how that changes the story..how shared moments..mixed intentions become something your own..freeing..
Well-wordled Laurie. Such a sad but universal tale of teenage gropings and searching. Glad she found freedom! Neat old photo too that really set the mood.
O, those romantic settings and incurable romantics . . . thank God most of us survived.
Why is it that we (almost) always fall for the wrong guy the first time?
A beautifully sad poem, but I love that a door opens at the end, and she is set free.
This a most beautiful story, thrilling and sensual and so full of insight. Brilliant.
Love how you used the physical scene to express the human actions, thoughts and feelings. That headlong rush to do what hasn’t yet been done and all those mercurial feelings of anxiety, hope, eagerness, and shyness, all blended together, reaching as do the waves.
Elizabeth
http://soulsmusic.wordpress.com/2013/02/17/shadow-dance/
I love how your emotions just reach up a grab the reader. There is a lot of power in your words.
Complex and written well, Laurie!! You execute well the relaying of both motives without the confusion that can sometimes come from attempting this. Delicately balanced…emotions and scene, relationship and details…point on great poetry my friend. ♥
Wow! Laurie, you did this up well, to two prompts. Impressive piece of writing.
Pamela
Really nice Laurie. The hurried and scurried lines really upped the pacing. I love it when the words create mood. You worked some tension in here, I could feel the angst. Brava!
Laurie, isn’t this the view (and look back) of every straight woman? “You for you, me for you.” Young guys can’t help it; it’s in their genes… and in their jeans!
This was a misty, wistful look back at that life-changing “first time.” Thanks so much, Amy (PS Sorry I haven’t been around – depression. Again. Argh.)
http://sharplittlepencil.com/2013/02/18/599-wheres-my-pencil/
Sad but honest. I love the last line!
Beautiful and thought-worth.
There are many good examples in the comments above but I especially like this one:
“a root,
birthed in childhood holes”
Thanks for sharing!
Perfect ending to a perfect poem.