In tainted dreams we met, the night a blur
Like pelting rain, a blinding slant of fate.
Fragrant petrichor temptation’s charm
Painted loveless visions quite obscure,
Your loyalty a twisted wish away.
Yet I believed my love might cause alarm
Might lure my heart to yours with acts demur,
Pleasantries, your senses titillate,
While lacking ways to keep me from your harm.
Your fist, a branch, slapped me suddenly. Your
Mouth, a howling wind, pierced my soul with hate;
No explanation for your violent arm.
A crush of dreams became a terror state
Until the sun encouraged a clean slate
~~
Poetic inspiration~ dVersePoets:FormForAll – A sonnet variation
(petrichor- the smell of rain)
What a powerful close, and so near to where I am right now.
Thanks, but I’m sorry to hear that.
I liked the imagery and form you used )and I learned a wonderful new word.) I think calm and beautiful images are kind of lulling and they make the storm that much scarier. I’m so glad I subscribed.
Beautiful use of the form to weave a fine, if sad, story.
rain can be lovely, storms can be scary, the world is sweet in justrainedsunlight
Thank goodness for the sun, which brings an end to bad dreams. Good use of the form.
petrichor…the smell of rain….how awesome is this…heavy emotions in this…tainted dreams and terror state…ugh…good on the sun to shine her light in…
So well done, Lori. You, too, made this look easy.
strong, Laurie. I love all of your visual techniques and you did splendidly with this form. I may attempt it. : )
I like the second stanza, painted loveless visions ~
The turn in the end is hopeful, I like the clean slate ~
Have always, living in the Pacific Northwest, had an olfactory love fest with petrichor. Your poem reminds us that “love hurts”, and the heart is ramped up, emotions spew like a Pompeiian lave flow; but of course, when the flow is reciprocal, lusty, beauteous–we forgive the intensity.
dang…this gets pretty vivid in that third stanza….lots of action there…and def terror as well….def glad of the sun coming to the rescue from that one…
Wonderful and dark poetry .
Wow – great use of the form (which I found incredibly challenging myself) – a dark, intriguing poem – and like everyone else, I enjoyed learning a new word…
http://leapinelephants.blogspot.ca/2013/02/beneath-mirrored-surface.html
Well done, Laurie. I especially love “blinding slant of fate.”
Human storms, the worst. Strong finish to freedom, Laurie.
Wow, the third stanza was loaded with imagery. I’m not great at reading form poetry aloud for some reason, but I read yours aloud to try to understand the rhythm. I enjoyed this
hooked me from the beginning ‘blinding slant of fate’ til the clean slate – really breathtaking, Laurie. K
Domestic violence…not pretty, but described so well. I’m glad the tides turned her away from the “storm”…
You chose a provocative subject for the poem, and the control you exert over it is palpable. One of the things I like about the Trireme Sonnet form – over the standard Petrarchan or Shakespearian – is that the volta, the ‘turn’ of the poem, can occur at a very different place. You use that intuitively here, in the changeover of the fourth tercet, the segue into the finale. Wonderfully done.
Wow, that took me off guard. It only walking away the next morning was easy for everyone. How complicated attractions can be. Interesting phrasings.
Interesting that “petroichor” was invented in 1964. Didn’t know the word.
Also it was fun to see both your and Kevin’s poem — both using storms.
… and yet so different…
a lot of emotion and angst here, but also hope and relief…great use of the form as well
Like pelting rain, a blinding slant of fate. – Very strong words and powerful emotion…Well done
very nice Laurie. Love the couplet and some terrific word choices, especially for the rhymed end lines. Really enjoyed thanks.
Wonderful opening couplet – and then this:
Your loyalty a twisted wish away.
Delicious.
The scent of rain turned into storm
A new word for me… thanks…. beautiful work.
i liked how you could a sad situation and ribboned it with hope… something you’ve done before… nice
…so glad to think those battered days are gone & hope fin’lly clings from the breath of a new sun… and petrichor sounds like a good addition to my word salad tonight… thanks… smiles…
This is excellent, Laurie. Every word, just fantastic writing. I’m impressed with your word choices. Well done.
great sonnet… nice to see iambic pent being used
This really is a sonnet – a very worthwhile piece of writing.
Excellent work, Laurie. Wonderful word choices for a splendid sonnet. I enjoyed reading it very much.