In the Pristine Subdivision…
Where Mother Alcohol calls
drug abuse an UpPer
and pride a downer.
Where manicured lawns
and tidy brick homes
are a cover up
for those driving
through the ritzy
neighborhood.
Where behind
closed doors,
corners are meant
for the dying
and going clean
is a time-consuming
misdemeanor for abused
and over-used men,
women, sometimes
even teens.
Where those
who have suffered
fallen incomes
and cancer-like
debilitations
from years and years
of imprisonment
lurk in the dark.
Where swallowed
pride hides inside,
and shambled
consequences
remain unseen
from the outside.
… of this pristine
subdivision coveted
by townsfolk.
~
Written for and shared with my friends at dVersePoets for OLN.
P.S. I’d love feedback on my new background. Do you like it? Is it too distracting? Should it stay or go? Thanks!
P.P.S. I couldn’t stand it! Now where cages once stacked one on top of the other there is darkness.
It’s ironic that this pristine subdivision is still coveted by others ~ specially like : Where behind closed doors corners are meant for the dying
Am okay with the backgrounder, though my personal preference is for lighter colors ~
ugh…little do we know what goes on behind closed doors eh…and we have to be careful what we covet….as mostly we see the veneer that we are allowed to see and not the reality beneath…
really cool make over on your site as well….
so much hides sometimes behind closed doors, manicured lawns and a well designed normality.. really a tight piece laurie.. the place where i grew up, no one tried to hide the drinking… maybe if it’s hidden, it’s even worse..
rgd. background.. i much like the birds on the right hand side though for my taste too fenced in on the left side…just my two cents..
A good capture of reality..so much hidden..so many secrets in the perfect looking subdivisions.
every wall holds secrets, that is for sure.
I love the content, but the form is a beautiful concept for this piece. As usual, another fantastic write.
the secrets behind closed doors, i love the mystery in this, we never know, do we, what lurks behind the lovely facade? and yet, I would never want to live in a glass house, either
Keeping up appearances… lived that. (photos on the left are distracting to me. They keep trying to lead my eyes up as I’m reading down.)
This is so true, you could include domestic violence and different kind of petty economical crime… all behind thise facades.
going clean, time consuming
you’ve caught something here!
I wonder if there’s anything these days that is truly pristine. You skewer some iconic stereotypes here very effectively. I wasn’t distracted at all by the new look. No need to visit back, Laurie–no post from me this week.
Steve
Irony, isn’t it? In the appearance of perfection is often hidden it’s contradiction. Well done!
I have heard of this charade and believe it. I use the conforming front of my house similarly I suppose–keep the lawns mowed, etc, not to stand out in any way. Very convincing and sad poem.
I think this background gives the feel you want for this poem, and I enjoy the tan print on brown. The repeated birdhouse, though, will come to feel awfully claustrophobic in time.
“Where swallowed
pride hides inside,
and shambled
consequences
remain unseen
from the outside”
Wow, you have really captured life in many a residential neighborhood these days. No one really knows what goes on behind closed doors. Great capture, Laurie.
There is always so much more than meets the eye in anyone’s life!
who defines words anyway… nice capture
Sometimes the stress of acquisition can lead to these problems, especially when the prime real estate fails to soothe the heart.
Reality in the raw. So true.
Just subtle and intense- if that is possible. I like the real in the poem despite the reality of it.
So much hides behind manicured lawns and perfect fences. You throw the perfection into stark contrast. Well put, indeed.
As has been said, things are not always as they seem, and you poetically describe that very nicely.
I vote “no” on the background–too “busy”, in fact, I had to read several lines twice…and your words here are certainly NOT a difficult read, darlin’.
Thanks, Laurie.
Maybe I like–behind the darkness of your content–a lighter color(s). Also glad I wasn’t walking up the stairs from one floor to another, there are (about 30 stories in your background building. Hope you don’t mind my critique. NOW, I BETTER GO LOOK AT MY OWN! (Smiles AND –grin!)
Superb write Laurie – there is oft sadness and heartache behind the closed doors…
Anna
]
This is somewhat Bukowskiish, he wrote a lot about the disintegration of the American family, Laurie. I enjoyed this as I am a big fan of Bukowski.
Pamela
Laurie – what a poem of our times. But maybe its part of the human condition – sad stories behind beautiful doors. Also Laurie, I want to thank you for dropping by my posts – it means a great deal to me that you do and i appreciate each comment. K
Tight writing – darkness found in clean manicured streets …. love it!
The grass is always greener.. I enjoyed reading this..too much of society is a show put on for the rest…whether it be a coveted subdivision, the economy, or the future.
“Where swallowed
pride hides inside”… I love carefully crafted language.
coveted by others… good ending
re: the background, I was looking for the cardinal, then scrolled back up and there he was
I guess I missed the distracting background because I like this (plain black) a lot. I think simple is better. You poem is thought-provoking. For me, it’s a reminder that we never know what goes on behind closed doors, and, above all, that happiness and wealth do not always go hand-in-hand.
some of the most well to do have hidden lives and problems….more so I’m sure than those who have to work harder for a living and don’t have ostentatious expectations…but we never know, really. The brown is a nice change but I think it may not in the long run be something I would maintain for myself.
It does seem odd how many things we want the most would hurt us the most (which is partly why it hasn’t been handed to us) I wanted to live in California so badly. Then I did and couldn’t wait to leave after about 24 hours, make that 2 hours.
Nicely written.
Very true, behind those pristine doors not all is as it seems. Nice clean subdivisions beautiful lawns etc… appearances indeed. Excellent poem!
What a brilliantly written and heart-felt appreciation of human frailty. This is full of empathy and understanding. Great write Laurie.
Sure, I like the background — sorry, forgot the old one.
Your poem’s opening is very catchy
even if a bit puzzling (which is all the more catchy)
I walk away with two images:
(1) a criticism of the facade of upper middle class and rich appearances.
(2) showing the suffering behind the sterility
But then I wonder — wait, are you saying that people live here who are also suffering, with the others. Suffering by being laid off, sick and the like.
The suburbs are so easy to pick on. How I wish more people preserved porches and spent more time outside and socialize but they don’t and so your criticism here are so true.
Thanks for the tour
Wonderfully expressed. When I drive past houses that seem to have everything that I don’t have, I remind myself that their sinks are full of dirty dishes. Closed doors happen in every neighborhood. Some just have a greater need to hide.
We remain ignorant of most of what goes on behind closed doors – each of living in the bubble of our own normality. However, all those ‘desirable’ houses need to be looked after, paid for, cleaned etc – and none of that will ever make them homes. Surround me with the people I care about – and who care about me and, quite honestly, I could live almost anywhere.
I don’t like subdivisions either, but I couldn’t write this poem.
Cheers,
Mark Butkus
Terrific write, Laurie; really enjoyed it; made me think about “appearances” relative to the whole sphere of our existence, from the people who look near perfect, to the used car we gamble on, to the pants we purchase without trying them on, to the dog we adopt at the humane society, to the money we fork over to that legless veteran in the rusted wheelchair in front of Walmart–we make assumptions, and usually are shocked and disappointed by the raw truth that emerges later.
Brutal and very, very good.
Hi Laurie, i admire the precise strutured quality of your work, which is very much ‘Laurie Kolp’ and the impact and sensitivity you still manage to pull through it, whatever your chosen theme – which also has real variety.
And yes, much prefer your new look in terms of being a more effective showcase for your well crafted poetry… Regards Scott http://www.scotthastie.com
Thanks so much for your thoughtful comment. Did you recently kiss the Blarney Stone? = ) Just kidding… I really appreciate your kindness.
This is fantastic Laurie! A beautiful trip behind the blinds, such a great rhythm as I read it aloud to myself